Many coaches and parents would have us believe that the county closed tennis week, historically taking place in the final week of August, is the high point of the junior tennis year. The result is that many parents feel under pressure, that their children have to play. In the past I have arranged holidays and work so that they did not clash with these few days.
As a tennis parent, this week has brought some of my children’s biggest highs and also some of their worst lows in their junior tennis. I have also seen some of the worst behaviour from young people on finals day which I have observed on tennis courts and appeared to have been tacitly condoned by spectators.
If you are not from the host club, your child can feel like the world is against them, as seemingly the majority of spectators are players from the club or members. There is also a considerable pressure on players, that this small group of matches decides who is the ‘best’. However, in the long term, does this really matter? Afterall it is not who is number one at fourteen, it is who is still enjoying the health benefits of tennis at twenty-four or even sixty-four!
It is not who is number 1 at fourteen but who is still playing at twenty-four…
There are some children who thrive in this environment and are fully committed to the style of competition. They will learn important lessons for the next tournaments that they play in which will help them perform to their maximum. Some children will use the losses to help motivate them for the journey ahead. This will not be true of all children. For some it will be opposite and it can damage their long-term tennis enjoyment.
Many parents feel that their children have to play. Yet who does this come from? And are those people actually considering the interests of your individual child?
I made the decision that county closed week was not a healthy experience for my children and they were better away from that claustrophobia. Instead, it was the ideal week for a family holiday to make the most of the final days of being off school before the unrelenting Autumn term began. My children were pleased to be away from that spotlight. I have received some criticism for this, which at times did hurt but over time I tried to think of what had the biggest positive impact to my children rather than the expectations of others.
What had the biggest positive impact to my children?
If you have found this week an emotional experience and have wondered whether it was a positive experience for your child, then you can choose to do something different. Consider carefully about what is the best interests of your child, supports their progress and make your decision accordingly. You can make a decision each year according to how your child is feeling. After all what is more important, one pressurised week of competition or the whole tennis year in front of your child?
I am a tennis parent, educationalist and author. My guide for tennis parents, ‘Trophies, tears and line calls’ is now published . Please follow me on on twitter @tennisdaduk.
Trophies, tears and line calls: The guide for tennis parents
There is doubt that many children and teenagers find tennis competitions stressful and may not really enjoy the vast majority of those then play in. After all in a competition there can only be one player who wins the overall competition. Yes, we look for as many positives as we can such as being placed in the event, even better if that comes with a trophy or a medal, getting a ratings win, some ranking points and make sure we point out things that have gone well. Even with this positivity it does not seem enough for our children.
This got me thinking what are the little things that I can do to make the tournament experience a more enjoyable one. There are some big things too, but that will come in a second blog.
We headed towards Frinton for our campsite were another friend and tennis dad met us. There were no matches on the first morning so we decided the appropriate warm up was Walton Pier for a couple of fun fayre rides and some silly gifts.
Yes, we were lucky enough to pick up a trophy along the way and the grass courts were lovely (that will make another blog) but best of all was having a little holiday with tennis friends and enjoying the sunshine together.
In my last blog I raised the ‘parent sportsmanship’ challenge; can you keep your emotions in check and stay relaxed so it is not obvious whether your child is winning or losing?
I always have a flask of coffee with me and pour myself lots of small drinks. I never fill my cup as I find the act of taking the top of the flask, pouring a small slug of coffee, putting the lid back on and then sipping the drink quite therapeutic. It is also a small physical activity to do with my hands.
Try and practice mindfulness, so stay in the moment rather than trying to work out the rest of the draw and the possible result of each win and loss. See my blog on 
I have previously written that children will follow our examples in many different ways. We are the people they spend the most time with and whether we like it or not, they will notice the little things that we do and without them even realising, they will display our traits. Now that is a truly scary thing!
Mindfulness has been one of those words that has been difficult to escape from in recent years, whether it is adult colouring books or in my sphere of education, the introduction of mindfulness into the curriculum for year 7 children.
It is often found that by having so many different things in our minds or trying to consider too many different outcomes, what we are inevitably doing is creating additional stress for ourselves. By practicing mindfulness and trying to focus on a smaller number of events, our personal stress should reduce too.
(Thumbs up)
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